Whilst at university there was this guy I quite liked. I couldn't understand why. He was a club promoter (yes, I know) and he was nice enough but nothing like the usual guys I would go for and way too "popular"! Perhaps half the fascination was that I couldn’t understand why he got so many girls.
It only happened by chance that my roomie had just finished reading “The Game”, which if you haven’t heard of it is a semi-autobiographical book by a man called Neil Strauss who talks about his time as a pickup artist and the secrets of the pickup artist world. So, how to pick up chicks for those lacking in a natural ability. Fair enough, we all need a helping hand from time to time. As I read more it became clear how this average guy was doing so well for himself. One day I asked him about it, and he told me the whole story about how he used to be a pick-up artist and the tricks of the trade. And I ran for the hills as every good girl should do.One of the strategies the book talks about is “negging” and this is what I want to rant about. A “negging” is basically a negative compliment. A negative remark disguised by a back-handed compliment meant to shake a girl’s confidence. It is supposed to “confuse and intrigue” them enough to be interested in talking to you, as usually they want to vie for your approval. APPARENTLY.
Examples of negs:
“You know, you look just like my little sister. Weird.”
To her guy friends, “So what’s special about this one.”
You’d think that reading those examples and the thousands more available online that no one could fall for those lines but it’s surprising how many people do. At the end of the day, it's natural to want to be liked and I think it’s a natural reaction for your confidence to be knocked by these types of compliments and subsequently, easy to then search for approval.
I was out in Shoreditch on the weekend for an old school friend’s birthday. I left my friend on her own to order some drinks (always dangerous) so I went to make sure she wasn’t going to order flaming tequilas or something equally horrific. (she was). As we waited at the bar a guy started talking to me. No, let me correct myself, starting throwing negs my way like it was going out of fashion. Pretty merry at this point anyway, I replied to a neg like every neg should be.
By going ape
shit. By politely pointing out to this man that he should know better and that that was no way to
talk to a young lady, or anyone, and that however much “banter” they think it
is, they need to shut the fuck up and get out of my face. This guy must have
been a pro because he then calls his friend over to say “wow, this girl is a
bit feisty and rude, I like that” and more negs. So apparently English didn’t
work and I just walked away.
I really hate that people think negative compliments are any way to approach girls at bars, or in any situation. Undermining a girl’s confidence is not fair, she might have put hours into getting ready, or have serious self confidence issues, perhaps it took her a lot of effort and will power to go out and wander around only to be judged as a party trick. Or perhaps she just doesn't want to be undermined.
I’m a simple gal. If I like someone I prefer an honest approach; like saying: “Hey. I like you. Want to hang out.” And sending them drunk declarations of love via text. Or maybe licking their face in affection. On the whole, I don’t go out to bars to pick up guys, but rather to get drunk enough with my friends that I think it’s ok to waltz in public to drum and bass. I know it’s an occupational hazard when you go out to a crowded bar in Shoreditch on a Saturday, that people are out to find t
he love of their life, a girl or guy. but when they’re using negging to do it, it really
irks me. It's like, can't you just be polite enough to be NICE to someone to chat them up?! But perhaps, for every girl that tells them to fuck off, there’s
another girl who may be tricked by a neg, so I guess that’s why some people
will keep using them. But don’t let anyone tell you you’re anything else but